Torn

A part of me wants to leave you alone.
A part of me wants for you to come home.
A part of me says I'm living a lie.
(And I'm better off without you.)
A part of me says to think it through.
A part of me says I'm over you.
A part of me wants to say goodbye.
A part of me is asking why...

A part of me wants to leave.
But a part of me wants to be here with you.
And everytime I think we're over and done you do something to get me back loving you.
And you got me just torn.

Torn in between the two. (Oh yeah)
Cuz I really wanna be with you.
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (I really want to be with you)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.
And you got me just torn in between the two. (In between the two)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (Be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (You alone)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.

There were no issues when we started out.
It was cool.
It was everything that love's about.
But something happened.
Plus I feel it's over now.
(Cuz I can't understand you now.) Now oh
(I just can't understand you now.)
A part of me says it's all my fault.
A part of me says "he ain't what you want."
A part of me says to get my bags.
A part of me says I can't do that.

A part of me wants to leave.
But a part of me wants to be here with you.
And everytime I think that it's over and done you make me fall back in love.
You got me just torn.

Torn in between the two. (Between the two)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (Be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone.(You alone)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.
And you got me just torn in between the two. (Torn in between the two)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (Really wanna be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (Telling me I should leave)
Leave you alone. (Alone)
Leave you alone. (Alone)

So many times I... (I was ready to go)
So many times I... (Had my foot out the door)
So many times I... (I thought to give him a chance, thought he'd be a better man)
Now I'm sitting here and I'm so confused.
Cuz I keep fighting myself for you. (I don't know how much more I can take but I can't feel this way)
(You got me so torn)

Torn in between the two. (Oh yeah)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (I really wanna be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone.
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone. (But I don't know)
And you got me just torn in between the two. (Should I stay or should I go)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (I don't know)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (You alone)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone. (You alone)

And you got me just torn in between the two. (I'm torn in between the two)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (I really wanna be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (But I don't know)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.

And you got me just torn in between the two.
Cuz I really wanna be with you.
But something's telling me I should leave you alone.
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.

Torn - Letoya

This is for you..
you know who you are..
i still hoping that you can change, change your annoying attitude..
the one that make our relationship fall apart..
the one that annoyed me..
the one that you regretted..

actually, i'm still hoping that you can change you know..
i'm still waiting for you to prove your bullshit (re : words)
when will you change?
when will you prove your words?
maybe when i already in grave *sigh

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Already Gone

Berhubung gw bingung mw nge-post apa, jd gw nge-post lagu kesukaan gw blakangan ini yaitu already gone by kelly clarkson.. Entah knp gw jd demen banget ma ne lagu.. Padahal prtmnya gw ga sk ma ne lagu.. ahahhaha..


Already Gone

Remember all the things, we wanted
Now all our memories, They're haunted
We were always meant to say good-bye
Even without fist held high, yeah
Never we have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now
I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
I'm already gone
I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone
Already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, Ooooo,
Oh
Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, Yeah

Remember all the things, we wanted
Now all our memories, They're haunted
We were always meant to say good-bye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone
I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone
Already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone...
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My very very busy day..

It's been a long time since my last blog i think.. I don't have time to update my blog because of that damn thing that happened to me lately..

Kira" 4 bln lg gw udh mw UAN.. Guru" di skul jg keq kntut smwa.. Udah tw kita org mw pd UAN malah msi ngasi tugas seabrek" yg ga ad abzny.. ckckck.. Keqny blakangan ini br brasa klo gw udh klz 3 dan arus lbih rajin blajar lg..
Tp knp malahan blakangan ini gw brasa ny mlez bgd bwt yg namany pegang buku n blajar? Tpatnya gw mlez ngapa"in keq ga ad smangat idup.. :(

Bdw, gw ad bbrp crita ttg hari" gw blakangan ini..
Dimulai dr tgl 9 Nov 2009..
Hr ne slh satu tmn gw trcinta yaitu merry merlinda a.k.a li cien bday sweet 17th.. hahaha.. Udh dr 1 hr sblmny gw ma ank" yg laen nyiapin surprise bwt ne manusia.. Pas hr itu jg kita TO yg prtm pdhl tp msi sempet"ny bwt bkin surprise bwt dy..wkwk..
Plg dr TO gw ma yg laen langsung tancep gas bwt bli kue trz nangkring di kmr dy.. Hampir ja rncana ini gagal gara" ada sdkt hambatan.. Tp trnyata smwany brhasil dgn memuaskan.. ahhaha.. Plus di hari ini jg ad 2 tmn gw yg br ja jdan yaitu wahyu-dby ma lisa-ss.. Congratz y guyz..hihihi.. :)

14 Nov 2009..
Pagi" buta gw dah disuruh bgn gara" kudu iktan jln ga sehat ny skul gw.. Gara" ga ad yg mw ikt jd smwa murid ny dipksa.. B***** bgd dah.. Ganggu tdr gw di hr sbtu yg indah ja.. Zzz.. Dr pagi gw udh sbuk bgd soalny mlm ny c li cien ngerayain bday party ny dan gw kudu siap".. hahaha.. Gw ke salon ma ciki" bwt nyatok rmbt, trz nyiapin surprise tmbhn bwt li cien yg hampir gagal gara2 ga bs di burning ke dvd.. Untung ada jos yg tiba" pny ide brilliant.. hihihi.. thx jos.. :)
Gw dtg ke bday party ny li cien dan gw plg krg lbih jm stgh 12 an stlh sblmnya mampir ke gdg dulu bwt bli tket nonton 2012.. :D

15 Nov 2009..
Hr ne gw pegi ntn 2012 ma ciki", del, dud, cien.. Pelem ny c y lumayan lah.. Tp ramenya tu amit" ajubilah.. Gw ja yg udh bli tket dr 1 hari sblm ny dpt ny duduk di J.. Swt d.. =="
Searian gw jln ma ank" di gdg trz plg dgn hati senang.. wakakakkaka..

21 Nov 2009..
Gw ga kmn2 hr ne.. Tumben ya? Y iyalah gw ga bs kmn".. Secara hr ne c dud pegi tes ke SGU dan gw bskny musti tes di atma dan gw kudu blajar mati"an bwt ntu.. haiz..
Tp c gw pegi bntr ma nykp gw bwt mkn di borobudur n plgny gw malah tdr bknny blajar.. hahaha.. Bgn" dah mlm, niatnya mw blajar malah jd tponan.. Ga jd blajar d..wkwkwk..

22 Nov 2009..
Today is the day.. Hr ne gw tes kedokteran atma.. Jem 5 pagi gw dah bgn bwt siap" jln ke busway.. Gw, cien,lisa, umel, del pegi tes ke atma naek busway.. Td ny c sipit mw ikt ngnterin tp krg kepagian jd ga jd d.. hahaha.. Jm 6 lewat kita smwa jln dr busway asmi mnuju ke atma.. Pas di busway ktmu ank biotek atma dan trnyata tuh ank lbih muda 2 taon dr gw.. Keren bgd ya umur 15 taon udh bs jd mahasiswa.. Gw jg mauuu.. hahahah.. Pas nympe di atma, gw,cien, ma umel dpt ruangan tes di ruangan yg sm.. Trz pas nympe di atas, kita smwa ngelyatin org" yg mw tes jg.. Bnyk jg ya trnyata..ckck.. Mreka smwa pd pegangin buku bio.. Dr ujung ke ujung smwa ny pd pegang buku bio, cuma gw b3 doanx yg santai bgd.. hahahah.. The test' gone well n I hope I get accepted in there.. :)
Sblm plg gw ma yg laen ditmbh tmy,jaka,fero mkn dulu di plangi saking lapernya.. ahhaha.. Biz mkn yg co" plg naek motor dan gw bserta tmn" gw naek busway lg pulangnya..

23 Nov 2009 - hr ne..
Ga ad yg spesial c mggu" ini.. Cuma hr ne gw dibagiin rapot bulanan, hasil TO ma hasil tes bakat yg udh lama gw tggu".. Hr ne yg ngmbil rapot nykp gw lowh.. Tumben"an mak gw mw ngmbilin rapot gw..hahahah.. Hasil rapot blnan ny c ga jelek" amat.. Yg parah mah hasil TO ny.. Bayangin aja masa fisika gw dpt 2,25 mat gw 4,00 bio gw 5,50.. Gmn mw lulus coba klo nilai gw trs"an bgtu? ckck.. IQ gw 122 lowh.. hihi.. *ga brmksd mnyombong koq* heheh.. Yg lbih tololny lg, masa gw dijurusin bwt msk MIPA-Matematika? Swt d.. Bs botak gw blajar mat mulu seumur idup gw.. Zzz..

Keq ny sgtu dulu bwt blog gw x ini.. Udh cpee ngetik gw.. hahahha..
Bdw, i'm still waiting for my admission test result.. I hope I get accepted..
Guys, pray for me please.. :)
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Bye" my dear..

Akhirnya saat itu dtg jg..
Saat dmn gw akhirnya ditggal ndirian disini dgn tugas" setumpuk n tanpa ad lg org yg tiap ari brisik gangguin hp gw..
Dy dah pegi ke aussie bwt ngelanjutin kuliahnya disana..
Tgl 8 kmrn dy pegi ma sodara nya n ktny ga bkal blik" ampe 3 taon ke dpn.. bzz
Jd jomblo dah gw 3 taon.. hahaha..

Tgl 8 Oktober, pagi" sprti byasa gw bgn subuh" bwt ke skul yg pdhl gw dah bner2 ga niat bwt msk skul.. ckck
Blajar di skul sprti byasa dan ekskul seperti byasa..
Tp pas rises kedua c bapao dtg ke skul bwt trakhir x ny sblm dy brangkat ke aussie..
Dy dtg ke skul bwt say goodbye ke guru" n ke tmn" nya yg ga bs ngnter pas dy pegi mlm nya..
Pas gw mw ekskul dy pulang bwt jmpt apin dan gw melanjutkan ekskul gw dgn hawa yg bner2 panas keq dipanggang di oven..bzzz
Selese ekskul, searusny gw melanjutkan dgn les di skul, tp ntah knp tiba" mati lmpu di skul jd les ny dibatalin..cihuyyy.. hahaha..
Mgkn Tuhan tw x ya klo hr itu gw lg bnyk urusan alias mw ngnterin org pegi jdny les ny dibatalin..wkwk.. Thx God..
Abz ntu gw langsung pulang, buru" mndi n trz pegi lg ke hum c bapao bwt jmpt dy soalnya dy ikt mbl gw ke erpot nya..

Gw sempetin blajar bio bntr di hum dy smntara dy brsiap2 n ngecek2 lg brg2 yg mw di bawa ke oz..
Sktr jm 5 an lewat, gw jln dr hum ny bwt jm dud, bum, dby n mry..
Udh smwany di jmpt kita langsung cao ke erpot..
Perjlnan ke erpot lumayan lancar walopun ad sdkt hambatan di jln bebas hambatan alias jln tol..zzz

Stlh melewati prjlnan pnjg, akhirnya kita sampai juga di bandara soekarno-hatta yg brarti sbntr lg gw bkal ditggal bertaon2 olehnya untuk merantau di negeri ttangga.. )':
Kita muter2 nyari parkir n pas udh ktmu kita langsung turun n nyari gate pswt ny..
Trz kita nungguin sodara"nya pd dtg, mak n babeny jg blm dtg soalnya..
Stlh smwa ny dtg, kita ngobrol", ketawa", bcanda" bwt trakhir x ny.. huhuhu..
Jm 8 an, c bapao msk ke dlm bwt check in dulu.. Ga brp lama dy kuar lg bwt say goodbye ke smwa ny..
kita foto" dll.. Sktr jm 9 an lewat akhirnya dy dah musti msk lg ke dlm soalny pswt ny udh mw boarding..
Gw brusaha bgd bwt ga nangis, tp emg ga mw nangis c sbnrnya.. Tp trnyata gw msi ga kuat bwt ga nangis..
Pas dy nyalamin sodara2nya n tmn2nya gw msi ga knp2.. Tp pas tiba2 dy dtg in gw n meluk gw, gw ga kuat bwt ga nangis..
Saat itu jg aer mata gw netes n ga brenti ampe dy msk ke dlm.. huhuhu.. T.T

Stlh dy pegi, gw ma ank2 yg laen pd mkn dulu bntr.. Sayang mknan nya bnyk yg diksi dr nykp nya cupaw.. hahaha..
Udh selese mkn, gw plg ke hum breng dud, bum,mry,lisa n umel..

Selese sudah prjlanan pnjg gw yg sdkt mengharukan klo mnrt gw..wkwk
bwt cupaw yg udh brada di oz, jgn lupa mkn, jgn lupa bdoa, jgn lose contact ma org2 disini.. take care..
o iya, scrapbook ny disimpen ya.. jgn diilangin.. knang2an dr sini tuh.. heheh
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Happy B'day, my dear.. :))

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, BOLA UBI.. :D
I'm wishing you nothing just the best for you.. ♥ U

Today is my last ride with goldie and my last time to hang out with him..
Hari ini gw pegi makan ma cupaw bwt ngerayain bday ny dy sekaligus bwt farewell party ny dy sblm dy pegi ke oz..
Gw pegi mkn ke pronto breng dby,dud,mry,icil,wahyu,mndel,umel n tntuny ma yg pny hajatan jg..hahaha.. Searusny ad lisa,bum, disa n vny jg tp mreka ga bs dtg.. ):
Sktr jm stgh 12 an gw dijmpt cupaw naek goldie ny trz gw mampir ke AJ bakery dulu bli kue bwt makny dy soalny mak gw dah ngoceh" gara" gw lupa mulu bliin makny cpw kue..bzzz
Biz dr situ gw langsung jmpt dud ma mry di hum ny masing" n langsung tancep ke pronto..

Sesampainya di pronto trnyata disana udh ad umel,icil,dby ma wahyu yang dah dtg duluan sblm yg pny hajatan dtg..wkwk..
Trz kita mkn sepuasny ampe knyang2 enek dah..hahaha..
Pas udh mw plg smwany, yg laen udh nyiapin kue bwt surprise ny cupaw..
Dr pas dtg tuh kue udh dititipin ke org pronto supaya disimpenin di blakang.. Sblm tuh kue di kuarin gw ajak cupaw lyat" dvd..
Pas blik" c dby dgn goblok ny cengengesan mulu gara" megangin kue di sblhny..wkkwkwk..
Trz yg laen pd nyanyiin hpy bday bwt cupaw n ngasi kue ny sekalian..
Ktny cupaw dy ga nyangka lowh bkal ad kue.. hahahah..
Nah, brhubung udh pd knyang smwa, kita kuar d trz jln" ke gdg rame".. hahaha

Pas nympe gdg, gw jln ma cupaw b2 doanx.. Yg laennya pd keliling" mw nyari sesuatu ktny..ahhaha..
Gw nemenin cupaw bli ATK bwt dy di oz n dy bliin gw The Host.. (: *thx y sayang.. :-*
Trz gw keliling" ampe pegel n nangkring di FH akhirny..
Maen capsa ma anak" yg laen trz nungguin umel dtg n lisa dtg..
Pas lisa mw dtg ad insiden yg lumayan bahaya jg..
Lisa hampir diculik org.. ckck.. parah bgd dah tuh gdg..
Ceritanya gini, c lisa tpon gw blg dy udh di gdg trz pas gw lg maen kartu tiba" gw trima xmx dr lisa.. Dy blg gini "jek, turun k duck king dunx tolongin gw! ad 2 org nyegat gw ni"....
Ga pke ngmg ap" ma yg laen gw langsung brdiri n stgh lari ke bwh bwt nemuin lisa.. Cupaw ngikutin gw dr blakang.. Prtm gw pkir cuma bcanda.. Eh ga tw ny bneran dy dicegat ma org.. Tp gw ga lyat c tuh org yg nyegat dy keq gmn, klo gw lyat gw maki" x tuh manusia..hahahah..
Gw nyariin c lisa di duck king ga nongol".. Untung ga brp lama c lisa dtg dgn tgn yg gemeteran n dingin bgd.. ckck.. Trz nympe atas dy critain gmn kejadianny..
Buat yg laen ati" klo ngobrol ma org asing, sapa tw tuh org ad mksd laen n jgn pernah ngelyatin mata tuh org bs aj lw kena hipnotis.. ckck..

Biz sudah selese smwa, udh aman smwa, c mry, dby, icil, lisa, ndoy trkena suatu mslh.. hahaha.. tp stlh brunding yg sdkt pnjg slese sudah mslh mreka.. sbar y tmn"..wkwk..
Trz kita smwa pulang ke rmh masing" dgn dianter oleh cupaw dgn mblny utk trakhir x ny jg.. hiks hiks.. :'(

Bwt cupaw a.k.a bola ubi a.k.a richard samantha a.k.a my pumpkin, hpy bday, smoga pnjg umur, smoga km bs dptin smwa yg km mw n bs jd org yg sukses.. Hope you like my present.. (:
You're a man now not a boy anymore.. Don't forget your friends in here if u already in oz.. I ♥ U
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The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

(The Reason - Hoobastank)


This is for you..
For you who was mine but not for a long time..
For you who was being my special person..
For you who was made me your special person..
For someone that i've made you broken..
For someone who insipired me with my life..

The reason that i want to move on with my life is you..
For so many years I'd been keep waiting for you..
I was still expecting and wanting you to come back in my life..
But, suddenly there was something that made me think about this..
I can't keep staying and live like this..
I should move on and be a better person..
And it's all because of you..
I know that i won't get another chance with you..
I'm sorry for what I've done..
I even haven't got a chance to say sorry to you..
I don't even know who you are now.. Are you still the same or you've already change? I don't know..
I don't know anything about you anymore..

Eventhough, you're still my inspiration..
I'm moving on now..
I've grown up..
I'm trying to be better than before..
I'm quite happy with my life now..
Thanks for such being my life motivator.. :)

P.S : there's always be a place for you in my heart..
I L U
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Wajahku dulu tak begini.. :c

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Hari ne gw gosong.. bzz.. Gw gosong gara" terik matahari yg melanda jakarta akhir" ini.. haiz.. Knp c y jkt ntu kudu panas? Ga bs adem" ja y? ckck..
Pagi" gw bgn tdr langsung sikat gigi gara" dibgnin ma c babuntet yg tdny mw brnang di apt gw.. Tp brhubung krn sesuatu hal, dy ga jd brnang di tmpt gw malahan jdny ke Waterbom PIK.. hahahah.. Jauh bgd y pndh haluanny..wkwk..
Stlh gw selese beberes, gw langsung cao ke PIK.. maap y tmn" gw ga ngajak, bizny mndadakan jg c.. heheh.. =p
Sblm brangkat ke PIK, gw ke hum c babuntet dulu soalny c oon 1 ntu lupa bw handuk n sun block.. bzzz.. Biz ngnbil handuk di hum ny, kita langsung otw ke PIK..
Tetapi dlm prjlnan, ad sesuatu yg mengganggu yaitu mblny hampir keabisan bensin.. C ank oon ini blm isi bensin, jd pas nympe pluit kita muter" dulu nyari pom bnsin.. parah bgd dah.. haiz..
Untung ad pom bensin stlh kurang lebih stgh jm keliling" pluit.. ckck.. Udh selese isi bnsing kita langsung cao ke PIK n msk kesana..
Pas nympe di PIK, rame ny sgh mmpuz.. Org" bknny mudik malah brnang.. swt d.. Gw maen aer disana kurang lbih 4 jm an.. gw pulang jg gara" mkin rame n dah kga bs maen ap" lg gara" ngantri ny lama.. Pdhl kan gw msi pengen maen perosotannya.. huhuhu...

Selese dr PIK msi siang,jd gw brencana ngajak yg laen ntn PHOBIA 2.. hahaha.. Dan pd mw trnyata..Hasilnya gw, dud, bum, li cien n c ank oon a.k.a cpw pegi ntn di blitz.. hahha..
brhubung ntu pelem adny jm 5 tp c bum bsny stgh 5, jdny ngebut d ksanany.. Rame boo yg ntn trnyata.. Dan kita smwa dpt duduk ny di barisan A.. Pelem ny ga gtu serem, tp lumayan serem bwt gw.. hahahha...

Biz dr ntn gw mkn jcool.. Dah lama bgd gw ga mkn froyo.. Brhubung gw ngidam, jdny gw ksitu..ahahaha.. Udh selese smwa ny, kita pulang d.. Dan pulang" gw lyat muka gw di kaca dah keq kpiting rebus ga jd.. Pink bgd.. Klo ke pesta gw dah ga prlu blush on keqny..ahhahah..

Bdw, thx bwt smwa ny yg mw gw ajak jln".. hehehe..
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